The Chaotic Evil Dishwasher

Warning: this is probably the nerdiest thing I have ever written. It's the semester break. I can relax a little and let my crazy mind wander.

When I was a kid we used to play Dungeons & Dragons, or at least we enjoyed playing and imagining in the fantasy of its world. This was in the olden days, before PC games and before the rules were re-written to be self-referentially coherent. These were the days of organically developed big books of 'rules' and procedures. One of the fun things about the D&D universe was that every sentient being had what was called an Alignment. It imagined the style of behavior of the character or other being, of how he, she, or it adventured through the world.

Alignment was a matrix of two axes, Lawful-Neutral-Chaotic and Good-Neutral-Evil. So there were nine alignments all together. Some sorts of characters were partially defined by an Alignment, e.g. Paladins had to be Lawful-Good, Druids had to be Neutral-Neutral, or 'True Neutral' as it was called, and Thieves were generally expected to be Chaotic-something. Supernatural beings were often defined by Alignment as well, e.g., devils were Lawful-Evil and demons were Chaotic-Evil.

When we were in high school, a friend and I used to sometimes sit in class and try to guess the Alignment of people we were studying. If it was a history class it would be the historical figures, if English, the characters in whatever book we were supposed to be reading.

I was thinking of this old friend as I did my chores this morning, and of our little game. Then, to distract myself during the repellent and annoying weekly task of cleaning out the refrigerator of long abandoned leftovers and salad dressing and condiment containers put back empty, I started to think about Alignment and religious life. What is the Alignment of the friars?

It's not an easy question, because it seems as if different aspects of our life display different Alignments. For example:

Divine worship. Here I judge the brethren, as a whole and for the most part individually, as Neutral-Good. They approach the liturgy with goodness in that they want it to be the worship of God and to thereby serve the pastoral care of its participants. They are neither Lawful nor Chaotic; rules are often a value, but not an absolute one. When rules seem to serve the greater purpose of goodness, they are followed, when they do not (in individual or corporate estimation) they may be abandoned. Some friars tend more toward the Lawful-Good in this area, holding up the value of 'say the black and do the red,' but they must always be careful not to allow themselves be driven to the pharisaic Lawful-Neutral, making an idol out of rubrics. Others tend more to the Chaotic-Good in this area, finding rules and structure at odds with goodness in a basic way. These must be careful, however, not to descend into the Chaotic-Neutral alignment of the narcissistic 'presider.'

Housekeeping. Here there is a great divide. Friars tend to the extremes in this area. Most are very neat and clean for the sake of others and good care of material goods, displaying a Lawful-Good stance. A few abandon goodness and become obsessed with neatness and cleanliness for their own sake, shading themselves to the Lawful-Neutral. A noteworthy minority, however, are Chaotic in this regard. There is the Chaotic-Good that claims not to even notice mess or dirt, and the Chaotic-Neutral that simply considers cleanliness and neatness not to be values. There is one general rule here, however. Almost all of the brethren--with a few famous exceptions--are entirely Chaotic-Evil when it comes to putting their dishes in the dishwasher. They tend to be placed not only with no regard for order, but in such a way that minimizes the capacity of the dishwasher, thus making poor use of water and energy.

Latest Exercise in Pedantry

This morning I am trying to draft a homily for Sunday. In saving the file, however, a problem arises. Now that I have preached through the three years of the Sunday lectionary cycle, when I go to save my document as "28th Sunday in Ordinary Time, B" I find that there is already a file with this name, containing my first Sunday homily as a transitional deacon three years ago.

So what do I call this second homily to be preached on the same liturgical day? "28th Sunday, B-2"? "28th Sunday, B2, 'Keep on the Borderlands,'"? "The 28th Sunday of Year B Strikes Back"?

Well, in hearkening back to mathematics, one of several loves lost in the course of giving my life to this religious quest, I have decided that the file will be named "28th Sunday in Ordinary Time, B′," to be read, "Twenty-eighth Sunday in Ordinary Time, B prime."

The Elusive Feast of St. Rose

In my early adolescence I wasted a colossal amount of time studying the books of rules for Dungeons & Dragons. I did gain, however, a facility in navigating complex, jargon-laden logical systems, which is a big help as a practitioner of the Catholic Christian religion. Today is a good example, the feast of dear St. Rose of Viterbo, a Franciscan tertiary who died in the odor of sanctity in 1252 at the ripe of old age of eighteen.

We friars of the First Order of St. Francis in the English speaking world do not get to celebrate her feast day, as it is an "optional memorial" that pertains only to the sisters and brothers of the Third Order regular and secular. (In the Italian speaking world, Rose rates a little higher, as an optional memorial for all Franciscans. I don't know about other places.)

Of course, if we make use of permissions and faculties that seem to be granted by Summorum pontificum we can celebrate St. Rose if we shift into the Extraordinary Form. In the 1962 Missale Romano-Seraphicum her day isn't even a iv class feast, but only a commemoratio. This means--and here I'm less sure of myself, so correct me if I'm wrong--the given Oratio, Secreta, and Postcommunio would be used to commemorate her at some other Low Mass to be offered today. But since in this particular year today is a ferial day of the iv class with nothing else going on, it would seem to be an option to fill out Rose's commemoratio with the Mass Dilexisti from the Common of Virgins and give her a complete celebration of her own.

But whatever we decide to do, let us make sure it leads our hearts to also glorify the Lord whom St. Rose also adored.

Five things you perhaps do not know about me

Jeff tagged me for this meme, which can only be fun. Here are my five things:

1. I used to pray with the Quakers. In my spiritual seeking period, before I admitted to myself that I was supposed to become a Roman Catholic, I enjoyed their quiet, "unprogrammed" style of Sunday worship, and have gravitated toward the silent and apophatic ever since.

2. This is my second time in religious life. Right after college I joined the Franciscans of the Leonine Union (the OFM), but left after a year and a half. I was back in the world for four or five years and then joined the Capuchins (OFM Cap.)

3. Without prejudice to genes, parental example, and a very good primary education, I credit Dungeons & Dragons with some of my scholarly ability. Maybe school wasn't always a challenge, but it sure was trying to find your way around the maze of rules and guidelines that made up the 1977-1980 Player's Handbook and Dungeon Master's Guide. Not to mention that it built a lot of vocabulary (one never had to say "dweomer," "philter," or "somatic component" in ordinary conversation) and demanded fine abstract distinctions, like articulating the difference between the "beatific" chaotic-good alignment as opposed to the "saintly" lawful-good, "demonic" chaotic-evil and "diabolic" lawful-evil ones.

4. I can make very good lentil soup. It once garnered me a marriage proposal. No kidding.

5. The first time I visited Assisi I was defecated upon by a bird and bit by a dog in the same day. And I wanted to be a Franciscan anyway.