March 30, 2014

Blind

Some of the Pharisees who were with him heard this
and said to him, “Surely we are not also blind, are we?”
Jesus said to them,
“If you were blind, you would have no sin;
but now you are saying, ‘We see,’ so your sin remains.
(John 9:40-41)

Lord, I am blind.

I am blind to the gravity of my sins, for if I could see them in their ugliness before your goodness, how could I persist in them?

I am blind to the goodness of your grace working in me, for if I could see how blessed I am, how could I do anything but follow you unreservedly from this moment forward?

I am blind to your presence in the poor and suffering around me, for if I could see you in such hunger and need, how could I go in living for my own comfort?


Most High,
glorious God,
enlighten the darkness of my heart
and give me
truth faith,
certain hope,
and perfect charity,
sense and knowledge,
Lord,
that I may carry out
Your holy and true command.

12 comments:

Sophie said...

"Let us be on our way, confident ahead of time that our prayer has been heard"

When I saw this I decided to tell you about something that has happened to me, though we do not know each other, because you are so good with words you might be able to help. I stayed away from church yesterday because I have lost my ability to pray. Two nights ago my older daughter came storming into our home like a hurricane, like a hurricane she left devastation in her wake. In my head I know there is always cleanup and rebuilding after every storm, no matter how devastating, but in my heart I know her relationship with my younger daughter, once so close, is beyond repair. Her years of mental illness have wrecked our family's happiness. My husband is thinking of leaving us. And now even the lines of communication between me and God are washed out. Reading your post here last night it dawned on me that not once during the long hours while my daughter was raging and destroying things, and not once in the long hours since, not once did it cross my mind to ask for God's assistance. It's not that I thought of saying a prayer and decided not to, I didn't think of it. After years and years of daily and nightly pleading to God and to Jesus and to Mary and the saints to help my child, I just...never thought of it.

What kind of a Catholic doesn't think of saying a prayer in the middle of Lent? But since Christmas I have been increasingly unable to pray with confidence. After a while you run out of words to say to those who are aware your child suffers and do nothing to help her, is that it? When the response is silence, what does it matter if your prayer is heard?

Brother Charles said...

When all you have is your inability to pray, that's what you offer to God. Be well and I'll be praying with you too.

Anonymous said...

I too am praying for you Sophie and God is patient and knows and awaits the moment you feel ready to speak to him--( Turmoil, such as your poor daughter is experiencing is, in my experience, most often caused by deep and usually unspoken FEAR-- fear of the future and what it holds?- fear of being unloved or being marginalised?- worries about children, relationships at home?-at work?-- money, or health worries? When next she shouts and rails at you and the sister whom she once treasured as the centre of her world, see the fear in your child's eyes, sit her down gently, put your arms round her and listen-- really listen-- to what those fears and concerns are. You won't have all the answers, but the effect on your daughter will be truly remarkable) God bless. Cecily.

Louis M said...

Prayers offered for you, Sophie.

-Lou

Judy Kallmeyer said...

Just want to let you know that I am giving up the internet as of April 8th. Old and sick computer and virus protection will end on April 8th. Will really miss your words of wisdom!

Pax tecum!!!

Brother Charles said...

All the best Judy! I'm sure we'll run into each other somewhere along the way!

Judy Kallmeyer said...

Great news, a miracle actually. I received an e-mail from a friend in Maine telling me that she is sending me a computer. Her sister went home to the Lord in September and she has had the computer since then. Yesterday she begged the Lord to let her know what to do with it and my message arrived. So she will be packing it off to me. What a miracle! Bea, I don't know how to thank you! Please whisper a little prayer for Bea who is being do generous to me. God be praised! I will not have to surrender my phone and internet. Truly amazing! Our God is indeed an awesome God!!!

Sophie said...

Fr Charles, my daughter is raging out of control profanely abusing us and threatening suicide please pray if you see this, God is bored with me and my precious daughter in agony agony agony agony needs a miracle of healing more than Judy who only needed a computer

Brother Charles said...

Dear Sophie, God is not bored with you, and I'm still praying with you.

Judy Kallmeyer said...

Dear Sophie,

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your daughter. From what you say, it sounds as if she needs to be hospitalized. You say she has a long history of mental illness. My thought is that she has perhaps stopped taking prescribed medication. This usually ends up in disaster for the patient and her loved ones. I worked for 25 years in an outpatient mental health clinic and this was so often the case. Do see if you can get her the help she needs. If she causes destruction in your home, the best thing to do, sad to say, is to call 911 who will take to her a hospital. Be very kind to yourself, Sophie! You are under a great deal of stress. You need to get adequate rest and nutrition yourself. I will keep praying for both of you

Sophie said...

Thank you, Father. Please allow me to use your Comments to also thank your friends, who are very kind.

My daughter has every single one of the fears that Cecily mentioned :(

She has been hospitalized three times for "observation" and each time released due to not being at adequately immediate risk of self harm.

She is taking her meds. The official label is "treatment resistant" - since she was first diagnosed with a panic disorder and mild to moderate depression at 15 (she is 20 now) she has taken at least a dozen medications in various combinations and her now severe depression has failed to respond to any of them.

She is nearing the end of a two months-long treatment ($10k, not covered by our insurance) that has had no effect. She is in despair.

She only destroys things, such as her scrapbooks, that she is entitled to destroy.

Anonymous said...

Dear Sophie, you have shown immense courage and we will continue to pray for you. God is always nearer than we realise. He often uses unexpected ways and means to reach out to us, so that we hear what He needs us to hear and see what He needs us to see. He is already reaching out to you. Cecily.