December 1, 2010

Great Responses in Ministry

When I worked at the parish I was known for my one-liner responses to various inquiries. I was thinking about some of them today:

Caller: "How do I baptize my baby?"
Me: "You put some water on it and invoke the Blessed Trinity."

Caller: "Can I be buried in any cemetery I want?"
Me: "Not until you are deceased."

Caller: "What do you mean we can't have a funeral [Mass] on [Holy] Thursday? Which one of you down there made up that little rule?"
Me: "Pius XII."*

Man who came into the office alone: "I'd like to schedule a wedding."
Me: "Do you have a woman? We only supply the priest, organist, and cantor."**

Upset lady who said she wanted to hug the tabernacle: "Why are you telling me all these things?"
Me: "Because you asked."

*Any rubricians want to check me on this?
**In my experience as a parish priest, it was exceedingly rare for the male party to initiate wedding planning in the first place, much less come alone.


GrandmaK said...

Pretty clever!!! Made me smile! Actually laugh! Made my day! Cathy

Adabolendam said...

LOL. What were the responses to these like?

There must be an interesting back story about the woman wanting to hug the tabernacle.

Fr. Daren J. Zehnle said...

These are great!

I also want to answer the question (when the phone rings on Sunday at 5:30 a.m.) about when Mass is with, "Apparently not early enough."