One of the most complex discernment and ascetical challenges in religious life is working through frustrated expectations. Everyone who comes to religious life arrives with expectations. Some are conscious, others not.
The hard work, when faced with the disorienting experience of many things one expected failing to appear, is discerning which expectations were legitimate and which not.
Many times the experience of frustrated expectations is a graced invitation to let go of our unreasonable demands and selfish 'needs.' We hope, secretly or openly, that the structure of religious life will provide the disinclination to sin we find lacking in ourselves. We want community and ministry to supply everything we have ever lacked in terms of love, care, and emotional support, without our having to do anything about it ourselves. Sorry. If we want to be loved just for who we are, we either have to be God or get a dog.
On the other hand, sometimes our expectations are legitimate. As one young brother once said to me, "I thought religious life would be more...well...religious." In my very first days of religious life I was scandalized and confused that the brothers didn't genuflect to the Blessed Sacrament. When I asked about it I was rebuffed and told that I was scrupulous and rigid. But that was wrong. The brothers, and everyone else, ought to genuflect to the Blessed Sacrament. It's what we do in the Roman rite. But even that's not the real point; it's the least we can do before the great Mystery of the Presence.
In those early years of my religious life, I think I came to be gaslighted somewhat, taught to second-guess myself all the time and thus fail to own all of my expectations of religious life, both the good ones and the bad. As I have grown up as a religious, a significant part of my inner work and liberation has been to recover my legitimate expectations of religious life and find ways to insist upon them for myself.
That's my own story. My error was to be beaten down into second-guessing all of my instincts and expectations. But it would be just as bad an error to fail to let go of selfish and spiritually unhelpful expectations just because religious life as we find it sometimes also fails our legitimate ones.