Nor would it be good for them to arrive at the wedding without ever having prayed together, one for the other, to seek God’s help in remaining faithful and generous, to ask the Lord together what he wants of them, and to consecrate their love before an image of the Virgin Mary. (216)This quote reminded me of the many weddings I had back in Yonkers that included a little procession of the newlyweds to offer some flowers to Our Lady on her side altar. During rehearsals I would advise the couple to take it slow and spend a good moment on this little pilgrimage, perhaps saying a Hail Mary together and asking Our Lady's prayers for their new life together.
Showing posts with label Wedding. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Wedding. Show all posts
May 12, 2016
Amoris laetitia: Mary
January 29, 2013
Of Bridesmaids and Tabernacles
Making the rounds on Facebook today was a picture of a group of bridesmaids. Wearing strapless dresses and photographed from behind while sitting in a pew in church, the viewer might easily imagine that the poor things were wearing nothing at all. Of course I was amused; many times I have endured the jarring experience of observing a group of bridesmaids while presiding at a wedding, unable to recognize the anxious creatures as continuous with the group of pretty young women I had met in the same role two evenings before at the wedding rehearsal, so transformed they were by unflattering dresses, fussy hairdos, and too much makeup.
March 29, 2012
My Bride Ate Herself to Death, Father Director
I was once told the vocation story of Blessed Raniero of Borgo San Sepolcro, a friar who lived around the turn of the fourteenth century. Anybody who knows better please correct me.
He was from a poor family. When he grew up he attempted marriage with a young woman who was also from a poor family. They had a lovely wedding, and somehow the families scraped together enough money to have a nicer meal than either Raniero nor his bride had ever seen. Unfortunately, however, the food was so good that the would-be Mrs. Raniero ate so much that she died that very night.
Raniero interpreted all this as a sign that he ought to become a Franciscan, and entered the Order. Miracles were attributed to him, and he was beatified by Pius VII in 1802.
It just goes to show the vocation story is a category of religious narrative that proceeds according to certain accepted rules and critical vocabulary. Can you imagine someone going to a vocation director with this story? He would probably be sent away, told to get counseling, and his 'vocation story' would be a joke in the community from then on. I bet there are a lot of saints who had 'vocation stories' that wouldn't fly nowadays. Have we become wiser in our sense of God's action in the lives of individual souls, or more boring in the cautiousness of our claims?
He was from a poor family. When he grew up he attempted marriage with a young woman who was also from a poor family. They had a lovely wedding, and somehow the families scraped together enough money to have a nicer meal than either Raniero nor his bride had ever seen. Unfortunately, however, the food was so good that the would-be Mrs. Raniero ate so much that she died that very night.
Raniero interpreted all this as a sign that he ought to become a Franciscan, and entered the Order. Miracles were attributed to him, and he was beatified by Pius VII in 1802.
It just goes to show the vocation story is a category of religious narrative that proceeds according to certain accepted rules and critical vocabulary. Can you imagine someone going to a vocation director with this story? He would probably be sent away, told to get counseling, and his 'vocation story' would be a joke in the community from then on. I bet there are a lot of saints who had 'vocation stories' that wouldn't fly nowadays. Have we become wiser in our sense of God's action in the lives of individual souls, or more boring in the cautiousness of our claims?
April 29, 2011
On Missing Weddings
The marriage of William and Kate this morning had me thinking about weddings. Not that I watched it. In this regard, at least, I'm a real American; many of my forebears gave their lives in the Revolution so that I wouldn't have to care about royalty, and I appreciate the opportunity to respect their memory. On the other hand, of course I wish the newlyweds well. I hope that the idea of being queen one day balances the sufferings Kate will surely have; if it's one thing I've learned from doing marriage preparation and a little bit of couples counseling, it's that men carry their relationships with their mothers into their marriages, and I can't imagine that Will doesn't have some issues around the injustices of his mother's life and especially her untimely death.
Nevertheless, as we roll into this first wave of wedding season since I've been out of the parish, the whole business makes me realize that I miss them a little bit.
Of course there are many things I don't miss at all: nagging kids for baptismal certificates, trying to inspire them to seek and work for Confirmation before the marriage, losing time because of tardy rehearsals, discovering conditions attached to annulments at the last minute, dealing by phone with priests in other dioceses who need to tell me their whole 'theology of marriage' when all I need is assurance that documents will be sent, anxiously awaiting paperwork to arrive from the chancery on the last postal day before the wedding is supposed to happen, and managing and trying to limit the creeping featurism of unity candles, flower processions to the altar of the Blessed Mother, bell-ringing, sand mixing, processions that include dogs, cheesy bonus prayers, etc.
All of that little stuff aside, I still miss weddings. In the course of three years as a parish priest, I witnessed 26 marriages, and prepared several more to be witnessed by others. Praying for these folks--and I still do--I came to see their vocations as intensely encouraging and edifying.
Is it not remarkable that in this world with all of its violence, hopelessness, meaninglessness, and disregard for life, people still insist on falling in love with each other? Love, after all, is a maximally optimistic disposition of soul, which knows the presence and company of another as intrinsically worthwhile.
Love, in practice, is a sort of faith. Once in a while I see where a couple of kids have proclaimed their love in a piece of graffiti. "So-and-so and so-and-so, together for ever," it usually goes. How is it that a couple of kids, who know nothing of what 'for ever' means, much less eternity, can make such a claim? This dissonance is exactly the point. Love is the ordinary way that our souls imitate God and come into contact with the Mystery of Creativity and Hospitality that is the Ground and Source of all existence. To be in love, then, pushes the heart to a response that imitates this eternity in the best way it can in our temporal state, and this to say, 'for ever,' even though we might hardly know what it means.
That's why the love proclaimed in marriage is to me an awe-inspiring act of faith. A man and a woman proclaim to the world that what they have found in each other is so good and so powerful that they are willing to wager it against an unknown future. Whatever the future holds, they say, couldn't possibly overwhelm the Love that they have found. That's faith, and one of the most genuine confessions of God I have been privileged to encounter with some regularity. To find God is to know, even if we know obliquely or obscurely, that we have been found by Someone for whom nothing could be greater, and this is why engaged couples can get up and proclaim perpetual fidelity against an unknown future.
Nevertheless, as we roll into this first wave of wedding season since I've been out of the parish, the whole business makes me realize that I miss them a little bit.
Of course there are many things I don't miss at all: nagging kids for baptismal certificates, trying to inspire them to seek and work for Confirmation before the marriage, losing time because of tardy rehearsals, discovering conditions attached to annulments at the last minute, dealing by phone with priests in other dioceses who need to tell me their whole 'theology of marriage' when all I need is assurance that documents will be sent, anxiously awaiting paperwork to arrive from the chancery on the last postal day before the wedding is supposed to happen, and managing and trying to limit the creeping featurism of unity candles, flower processions to the altar of the Blessed Mother, bell-ringing, sand mixing, processions that include dogs, cheesy bonus prayers, etc.
All of that little stuff aside, I still miss weddings. In the course of three years as a parish priest, I witnessed 26 marriages, and prepared several more to be witnessed by others. Praying for these folks--and I still do--I came to see their vocations as intensely encouraging and edifying.
Is it not remarkable that in this world with all of its violence, hopelessness, meaninglessness, and disregard for life, people still insist on falling in love with each other? Love, after all, is a maximally optimistic disposition of soul, which knows the presence and company of another as intrinsically worthwhile.
Love, in practice, is a sort of faith. Once in a while I see where a couple of kids have proclaimed their love in a piece of graffiti. "So-and-so and so-and-so, together for ever," it usually goes. How is it that a couple of kids, who know nothing of what 'for ever' means, much less eternity, can make such a claim? This dissonance is exactly the point. Love is the ordinary way that our souls imitate God and come into contact with the Mystery of Creativity and Hospitality that is the Ground and Source of all existence. To be in love, then, pushes the heart to a response that imitates this eternity in the best way it can in our temporal state, and this to say, 'for ever,' even though we might hardly know what it means.
That's why the love proclaimed in marriage is to me an awe-inspiring act of faith. A man and a woman proclaim to the world that what they have found in each other is so good and so powerful that they are willing to wager it against an unknown future. Whatever the future holds, they say, couldn't possibly overwhelm the Love that they have found. That's faith, and one of the most genuine confessions of God I have been privileged to encounter with some regularity. To find God is to know, even if we know obliquely or obscurely, that we have been found by Someone for whom nothing could be greater, and this is why engaged couples can get up and proclaim perpetual fidelity against an unknown future.
June 7, 2010
My Last Wedding
On Saturday I did my last wedding here at the parish. As I was cleaning up from the ceremony, I got a little emotional for a moment; I think it was the beginning of my grieving for my assignment coming to an end.
In my three years as a parish priest, I have witnessed twenty-six marriages, and prepared about five more that were witnessed by guest clergy. It's been a big part of my life. At one point marriage preparation envelopes were the largest single thing in my office file drawer. In the middle of my time here I had seventeen couples on my checklist spreadsheet for paperwork and stages of the process. Now the spreadsheet is empty. No more calls to check in and remind brides about paperwork or evenings in the parlor reviewing the "FOCCUS" instrument.
I'm very grateful for having had the opportunity to work with all of these folks, and for the privilege of witnessing their mutual offering to one another in the sacrament of marriage. Preaching at weddings has helped me to understand certain things more clearly, truths that apply just as much to the vows of religious consecration.
When you begin to touch the very eternity of God, whether by falling in love with another human being or by the prayerful solitude in which a call to celibate consecration begins to emerge, that very eternity demands a commensurate response. The only imitation that will satisfy in this life is to say "forever." This is why love pushes us into permanent commitment; it's the least we can do, the least that will satisfy us. It's why two kids who know nothing of permanence and much less of eternity can write 'together for ever' on the wall; they have experienced the love that is God himself translated into our experience, and God's eternity pushes them to say such a thing even though they don't even know what it means.
Our freedom does not consist in preserving the false liberty of always keeping our options open, wandering through life and refusing to land, but in the freedom to dispose of ourselves fully and completely. Of course I knew this before on the cognitive, theological level, but those whose marriages I have witnessed over the past three years have taught it to me at the deeper level of the heart. Thank you.
In my three years as a parish priest, I have witnessed twenty-six marriages, and prepared about five more that were witnessed by guest clergy. It's been a big part of my life. At one point marriage preparation envelopes were the largest single thing in my office file drawer. In the middle of my time here I had seventeen couples on my checklist spreadsheet for paperwork and stages of the process. Now the spreadsheet is empty. No more calls to check in and remind brides about paperwork or evenings in the parlor reviewing the "FOCCUS" instrument.
I'm very grateful for having had the opportunity to work with all of these folks, and for the privilege of witnessing their mutual offering to one another in the sacrament of marriage. Preaching at weddings has helped me to understand certain things more clearly, truths that apply just as much to the vows of religious consecration.
When you begin to touch the very eternity of God, whether by falling in love with another human being or by the prayerful solitude in which a call to celibate consecration begins to emerge, that very eternity demands a commensurate response. The only imitation that will satisfy in this life is to say "forever." This is why love pushes us into permanent commitment; it's the least we can do, the least that will satisfy us. It's why two kids who know nothing of permanence and much less of eternity can write 'together for ever' on the wall; they have experienced the love that is God himself translated into our experience, and God's eternity pushes them to say such a thing even though they don't even know what it means.
Our freedom does not consist in preserving the false liberty of always keeping our options open, wandering through life and refusing to land, but in the freedom to dispose of ourselves fully and completely. Of course I knew this before on the cognitive, theological level, but those whose marriages I have witnessed over the past three years have taught it to me at the deeper level of the heart. Thank you.
May 28, 2010
Using Eucharistic Prayer I
An old entry on my own practice as a suggestion for priests' minimum use of Eucharistic Prayer I has turned out to be a popular post for search traffic. At that time I described my practice in this way:
Well, lately I have made an adjustment. I have included nuptial Masses among those for which I use Eucharistic Prayer I, because of the proper Hanc Igitur. It's not found on the bottom of the page like the others, though, so you have to do a little sacramentary hacking:
I'm very proud of my rubric-red paperclip. I'm such a geek.
Check out the original post here.
Here's the plan I have adopted for the use of Eucharistic Prayer I, the Roman Canon. I use Eucharistic Prayer I:
1. On any day for which it provides proper Communicantes and/or Hanc Igitur, excepting nuptial Masses. (Though I would certainly oblige if a bride asked for the Roman Canon.) This amounts to Christmas and Easter and their octaves, Epiphany, Holy Thursday, Ascension, and Pentecost.
2. On the feast of any saint who is named in it, excepting feasts of Our Lady, as she is named in every Eucharistic Prayer.
3. On any feast that has a particularly Roman character, e.g. The Chair of Peter, the dedication of the Lateran, etc.
All together this makes for something like twelve percent of the whole liturgical year.
Well, lately I have made an adjustment. I have included nuptial Masses among those for which I use Eucharistic Prayer I, because of the proper Hanc Igitur. It's not found on the bottom of the page like the others, though, so you have to do a little sacramentary hacking:
I'm very proud of my rubric-red paperclip. I'm such a geek.
Check out the original post here.
May 15, 2010
Baptismal Candles
Today I was baptizing a toddler. While I was putting stuff away after the ceremony, I started to think about the little candle given to each newly baptized. Wouldn't it be cool if everyone held on to those candles devoutly, and then used them as their light at the beginning of the Easter Vigil each year? After all, it's the same candle anyway, on the spiritual level. It would be neat to see the ones that were burned down from so many years of living their baptism.
Then I had another thought: when couples want to do the whole wedding candle or unity candle thing for their weddings, I should try to make them produce their baptismal candles for this purpose!
Then I had another thought: when couples want to do the whole wedding candle or unity candle thing for their weddings, I should try to make them produce their baptismal candles for this purpose!
April 30, 2010
Better Men and Honored Maids
In my experience as the Church's official witness for nuptial consent, which is admittedly brief, I have observed a disturbing phenomenon. Increasingly, couples are unable to elect a singe Best Man and Maid of Honor. I know, it's awful to have play favorites, and in our PC culture everybody has to be a winner, but this business is a little silly.
To be honest, though, I don't mind the extra person on the bride's side. The way I do things, the Maid of Honor is the hardest worker in the whole ceremony, charged as she is with preventing the bride from falling down the stairs or ruining her makeup with tears, etc. She is responsible for the maintenance of She Who Is High Maintenance, and rightly so, at that moment. So having these two Maids of Honor isn't so bad.
On the other hand, I see no redeeming quality in having two Best Men. The Best Man is charged with two simple but critical tasks: making sure the groom doesn't faint or run away, and producing the rings on demand. Even in my short experience, the question of the rings is fraught with danger. "That's not my ring," said one of my brides once. "It is today!" I responded. To have two Best Men in this job would seem to me a violation of the Airplane Rule. Complexity increases the probability of failure. Keep it simple.
Finally, given that this is happening, I want to suggest some changes in nomenclature. There cannot be two Best Men; it is a grammatical absurdity. As St. Paul reminds us, though all the athletes compete, only one can win the prize, just as he also said that it is better to marry than to be on fire. Like Tyler Durden, St. Paul is full of useful information. If there are two of them, I say they are to be called Better Men.
The same goes for the girls, though perhaps with less force. I say we call them Honored Maids.
To be honest, though, I don't mind the extra person on the bride's side. The way I do things, the Maid of Honor is the hardest worker in the whole ceremony, charged as she is with preventing the bride from falling down the stairs or ruining her makeup with tears, etc. She is responsible for the maintenance of She Who Is High Maintenance, and rightly so, at that moment. So having these two Maids of Honor isn't so bad.
On the other hand, I see no redeeming quality in having two Best Men. The Best Man is charged with two simple but critical tasks: making sure the groom doesn't faint or run away, and producing the rings on demand. Even in my short experience, the question of the rings is fraught with danger. "That's not my ring," said one of my brides once. "It is today!" I responded. To have two Best Men in this job would seem to me a violation of the Airplane Rule. Complexity increases the probability of failure. Keep it simple.
Finally, given that this is happening, I want to suggest some changes in nomenclature. There cannot be two Best Men; it is a grammatical absurdity. As St. Paul reminds us, though all the athletes compete, only one can win the prize, just as he also said that it is better to marry than to be on fire. Like Tyler Durden, St. Paul is full of useful information. If there are two of them, I say they are to be called Better Men.
The same goes for the girls, though perhaps with less force. I say we call them Honored Maids.
November 2, 2009
Metanoia
From a thank you note from a newlywed whose marriage I witnessed:
"You made me change my mind and views about the Catholic religion."
That could go either way!
"You made me change my mind and views about the Catholic religion."
That could go either way!
July 31, 2009
Appreciating the Centurion
I've been on a tear with weddings this summer, having witnessed nine marriages over the last eleven weekends. The ordinary weekly rhythm of it has become part of my routine: rehearsal on Thursday night, wedding Saturday afternoon. They don't differ a whole lot; the people change, of course, but the roles and personalities stay more or less the same. What does vary a lot is the degree of difficulty in organizing and executing the ceremony. Some are very easy and well-planned; others not so much. So what makes for the difference?
The greatest difference is surely the degree of Catholic practice of the bride and groom and their families. I have had couples who assist at Sunday Mass without fail as well as couples that I don't think had been to church since their first Holy Communion, and everything in between. It's much easier to plan and pray through a liturgy with folks who have been part of the praying community to one degree or another.
But there's another factor that makes a big difference. For whatever reason, we do a lot of weddings for cops, firefighters, and military personnel. There's something about these folks that makes them easy to work with; perhaps it's that they're used to rules and expectations. I say that I need such and such paperwork by this day, and it appears. I lay down rules about what may or may not be done in church, and they obey. It makes me think of the centurion with the sick slave in the gospels, whose words will soon be gloriously restored to the English translation of the Mass:
It used to be that military service was considered a good preparation for religious life, though perhaps with the problems of decadence, New Ageism, and the general malaise in North American religious life this is less the case than it used to be. I'm thinking about all of this morning on the feast of St. Ignatius, who, like our holy father Francis, was a soldier before becoming a religious founder. For both of them, in different ways, their military service had a profound effect on the religious life they would inspire.
Ignatius, Francis, and all soldier-saints, pray for us.
The greatest difference is surely the degree of Catholic practice of the bride and groom and their families. I have had couples who assist at Sunday Mass without fail as well as couples that I don't think had been to church since their first Holy Communion, and everything in between. It's much easier to plan and pray through a liturgy with folks who have been part of the praying community to one degree or another.
But there's another factor that makes a big difference. For whatever reason, we do a lot of weddings for cops, firefighters, and military personnel. There's something about these folks that makes them easy to work with; perhaps it's that they're used to rules and expectations. I say that I need such and such paperwork by this day, and it appears. I lay down rules about what may or may not be done in church, and they obey. It makes me think of the centurion with the sick slave in the gospels, whose words will soon be gloriously restored to the English translation of the Mass:
When he entered Capernaum, a centurion approached him and appealed to him, saying, "Lord, my servant is lying at home paralyzed, suffering dreadfully." He said to him, "I will come and cure him.The centurion said in reply, "Lord, I am not worthy to have you enter under my roof; only say the word and my servant will be healed.For I too am a person subject to authority, with soldiers subject to me. And I say to one, 'Go,' and he goes; and to another, 'Come here,' and he comes; and to my slave, 'Do this,' and he does it.When Jesus heard this, he was amazed and said to those following him, "Amen, I say to you, in no one in Israel have I found such faith. (Matthew 8:5-10)
It used to be that military service was considered a good preparation for religious life, though perhaps with the problems of decadence, New Ageism, and the general malaise in North American religious life this is less the case than it used to be. I'm thinking about all of this morning on the feast of St. Ignatius, who, like our holy father Francis, was a soldier before becoming a religious founder. For both of them, in different ways, their military service had a profound effect on the religious life they would inspire.
Ignatius, Francis, and all soldier-saints, pray for us.
July 9, 2009
Being Schticky
I find that in the course of my ministry I have developed certain bits of schtick, formulaic ways of delivering a message in a humorous way. It's like bits of speech that get ingrained in my execution of various duties, and which I find myself saying over and over.
Here's my schtick for the end of a wedding rehearsal:
"Ok, everybody, I have good news, bad news, and an opportunity for you.
"The good news is that we have the privilege of witnessing one of the greatest acts of faith there is in this life. This is church, and in church we are about faith, right? Right? (I can't hear you!) These guys [the candidates for matrimony] are about to pledge their consent to each other forever, wagering the love they have experienced through each other against an unknown future. And there's no greater act of faith. So give them every reverence and respect, as you would any other sacramental revelation of God.
"The bad news is that this nuptial Mass which we will celebrate on Saturday does not satisfy your ordinary obligation to assist at Sunday Mass. So those of you who are Catholics get to go to church two days in a row!
"The opportunity is this: I'm not saying this applies to anybody here, but sometimes it happens that when people come to a wedding, they haven't been to Mass in a while. So, if this is you, and you would like to share in Holy Communion with our friends who will be newly married at that point, you should really go to confession. Pope Innocent III, in his decree Omnis utriusque sexus--it sounds like a hot document, right?--asked that each Catholic receive Holy Communion once a year, confessing any serious sins if necessary. So, I'll sit in the confessional for a while, just in case. Otherwise, have a great night. I hope these guys are taking you all somewhere good, and buying you a drink for the effort you put into this rehearsal. Enjoy yourselves and I'll see you on Saturday!"
That last part, about confession, I only started doing recently. The response has really surprised me, and sometimes I'm in the confessional for a half an hour or so at the end of a wedding rehearsal. I challenge myself at weddings and funerals to try to hook people back into the practice of their faith.
Here's my schtick for the end of a wedding rehearsal:
"Ok, everybody, I have good news, bad news, and an opportunity for you.
"The good news is that we have the privilege of witnessing one of the greatest acts of faith there is in this life. This is church, and in church we are about faith, right? Right? (I can't hear you!) These guys [the candidates for matrimony] are about to pledge their consent to each other forever, wagering the love they have experienced through each other against an unknown future. And there's no greater act of faith. So give them every reverence and respect, as you would any other sacramental revelation of God.
"The bad news is that this nuptial Mass which we will celebrate on Saturday does not satisfy your ordinary obligation to assist at Sunday Mass. So those of you who are Catholics get to go to church two days in a row!
"The opportunity is this: I'm not saying this applies to anybody here, but sometimes it happens that when people come to a wedding, they haven't been to Mass in a while. So, if this is you, and you would like to share in Holy Communion with our friends who will be newly married at that point, you should really go to confession. Pope Innocent III, in his decree Omnis utriusque sexus--it sounds like a hot document, right?--asked that each Catholic receive Holy Communion once a year, confessing any serious sins if necessary. So, I'll sit in the confessional for a while, just in case. Otherwise, have a great night. I hope these guys are taking you all somewhere good, and buying you a drink for the effort you put into this rehearsal. Enjoy yourselves and I'll see you on Saturday!"
That last part, about confession, I only started doing recently. The response has really surprised me, and sometimes I'm in the confessional for a half an hour or so at the end of a wedding rehearsal. I challenge myself at weddings and funerals to try to hook people back into the practice of their faith.
July 4, 2009
Indian Orthodox Wedding
We had a very ecumenical afternoon here in church, as hosts for a wedding for the Malankara Orthodox. I don't know how it was arranged, but I ended up being the host. I got a few blurry pictures:
First, the presiding priest gave an exhortation on the meaning and purpose of marriage:
Deacon Gregory incenses everyone. Ah...praying ad orientem.
The heads of bride and groom were blessed in preparation for the crowning:
First, the presiding priest gave an exhortation on the meaning and purpose of marriage:
Deacon Gregory incenses everyone. Ah...praying ad orientem.
The heads of bride and groom were blessed in preparation for the crowning:
July 2, 2009
Mmm...Rice
Overheard at Indian Orthodox wedding rehearsal:
Priest: Just please remind everyone that we don't allow the throwing of rice.
Groom: Father, we're Indians! We have better things to do with our rice!
Priest: Just please remind everyone that we don't allow the throwing of rice.
Groom: Father, we're Indians! We have better things to do with our rice!
June 26, 2009
Wedding Rosary
For this afternoon's wedding, the bride had her rosary wrapped around her left hand the whole time. I had never seen that before, but I thought it was a touching way to seek Mary's intercession on wedding day.
Perhaps this is a local or ethnic custom that I had not seen before?
Perhaps this is a local or ethnic custom that I had not seen before?
June 22, 2009
Coming Late and Leaving Early
It's wedding season, and I have a marriage to witness every weekend from now until the end of August. This past Saturday's was about as easy is could be: just the ceremony (no Mass), no dreaded "unity candle," no procession to Our Lady's Altar to offer her flowers, no other bonus features.
In fact, the wedding was especially short, because the couple left before it was over!
For the marriage rite outside of Mass, the intercessions are folded into the Nuptial Blessing, which begins after the blessing and giving of rings. So, I had this couple offer each other their consent, which they did quite beautifully, I have to say, blessed their rings and had them put them on. Then there was an applause for the newly married couple.
I looked down at my ritual to page up the Nuptial Blessing, but when I looked up, the couple was already walking down the aisle. I looked up to the choir loft and saw the organist shrugging his shoulders and wondering what to do. I motioned to him to start playing the recessional. I guessed that the marriage was valid (help me out canonist readers!) and not wanting to mess up their video, I let them go.
In fact, the wedding was especially short, because the couple left before it was over!
For the marriage rite outside of Mass, the intercessions are folded into the Nuptial Blessing, which begins after the blessing and giving of rings. So, I had this couple offer each other their consent, which they did quite beautifully, I have to say, blessed their rings and had them put them on. Then there was an applause for the newly married couple.
I looked down at my ritual to page up the Nuptial Blessing, but when I looked up, the couple was already walking down the aisle. I looked up to the choir loft and saw the organist shrugging his shoulders and wondering what to do. I motioned to him to start playing the recessional. I guessed that the marriage was valid (help me out canonist readers!) and not wanting to mess up their video, I let them go.
June 4, 2009
Overheard in the Parish Office
Priest: Have you picked the readings from Sacred Scripture for your wedding?
Bride: Not yet. I just don't want that one that everybody has, you know, 'love is jealous..."
Priest: I think it says, 'love is not jealous.'
Groom: [laughs]
Bride: Not yet. I just don't want that one that everybody has, you know, 'love is jealous..."
Priest: I think it says, 'love is not jealous.'
Groom: [laughs]
May 18, 2009
Congratulations!
Let us give thanks to God for blessing the world today with the marriage of my brother Ben and new sister-in-law Anna.
Grant perfect joy to these loving companions,
as you did your creations in the Garden of Eden.
Blessed are You, LORD,
who grants the joy of groom and bride.
as you did your creations in the Garden of Eden.
Blessed are You, LORD,
who grants the joy of groom and bride.
UPDATE:
The ladies in the parish office decided that we had to have a cake for the great occasion. It's hard to see, but it does say, "Ben & Anna 5.18"
The ladies in the parish office decided that we had to have a cake for the great occasion. It's hard to see, but it does say, "Ben & Anna 5.18"
May 1, 2009
Unity Candle Rant
When you live the life of junior parochial vicar on a parish staff, sometimes you wonder what you might do differently if you were in charge. Any new pastor brings changes, so what would change if it were me? What would be suppressed, and what restored? You can't help but think about it. But I'll tell you one thing that would be forbidden if I were pastor: the dreaded wedding or "unity" candle.
You're familiar with it: typically it's a set of three candles; two slighter ones flanking a large one. The idea is that, just as two people are united in marriage, so the flames from the smaller candles unite to ignite the large one. To be honest, it's actually a nice symbol, and if you can get the bride and groom to produce their actual baptismal candles to serve as the two smaller lights, even better.
But here's the problem: it's just one more example of how we focus on "nice" and accessible symbols instead of facing the subtle and transcendent mysteries that are before us in the liturgy.
I encourage couples to skip the "unity candle" that they might focus on the Word of God speaking to them, their sacramental consent to one another, and (in most cases) the sacrifice of the Eucharist offered for them during their first moments as newlyweds. Isn't that enough to do for one day, without adding in these bonus features?
You're familiar with it: typically it's a set of three candles; two slighter ones flanking a large one. The idea is that, just as two people are united in marriage, so the flames from the smaller candles unite to ignite the large one. To be honest, it's actually a nice symbol, and if you can get the bride and groom to produce their actual baptismal candles to serve as the two smaller lights, even better.
But here's the problem: it's just one more example of how we focus on "nice" and accessible symbols instead of facing the subtle and transcendent mysteries that are before us in the liturgy.
I encourage couples to skip the "unity candle" that they might focus on the Word of God speaking to them, their sacramental consent to one another, and (in most cases) the sacrifice of the Eucharist offered for them during their first moments as newlyweds. Isn't that enough to do for one day, without adding in these bonus features?
April 1, 2009
April Fool
Some might be surprised to know this, but religious life is a hotbed of practical jokes, hoaxes, and pranks. Here are some that I have witnessed over the years:
At Benedict XVI's Saturday morning Mass at St. Patrick's Cathedral, one of our brothers had the honor of being one of the gift bearers. On the television feed, you could see that they conversed a little. So everyone wanted to ask this brother what he had said to the Holy Father. Someone started the rumor that he had asked, "Does this count for Sunday?"
Another urban legend claimed that a certain friar was the son of wrestler King Kong Bundy. (There was a resemblance.)
There have been imaginary phone calls from bishop's secretaries, and from provincial superiors in India, sending brothers off on fool's errands of various kinds. Attempts to arrange full ecclesiastical funerals for dogs and cats have also been called in. False summonses to appear before the Apostolic Penitentiary "tomorrow morning, Rome time, first thing" have also been received.
An urgent 'While you were out' note instructed a brother to return the call of Sister Mary Ellafanta, giving the number for the Bronx Zoo. Another invited a brother to call the local funeral home and ask for 'Myra Mains.'
I once received a forged birthday message via fax, bearing the letterhead of the apostolic nunciature.
These sorts of things work well on us because many of the phone calls and requests we receive are, in fact, stranger than fiction but entirely legitimate. I once got a call to arrange a wedding:
"Here's the thing, Father. I'm not a Roman Catholic, I'm a--what do you guys call it--a Melkite, that's right. And my bride, she's one of them Orthodoxes--Russian, Greek, I dunno, one of them things. So how do we get this thing on the road? Tell you what; I'll come in and bring that crazy girl with me, and I'll bring a few beers along too so we can have a good time while we figure this out!"
After making the appointment and instructing my interlocutor that we might wait until our second visit to "bring a few beers," I hung up. I didn't even write down the appointment, presuming it had been one of the friars putting me on with his deft combination of the Ecumenical Directory and the Jerky Boys. Funny thing, but it turned out to be real.
At Benedict XVI's Saturday morning Mass at St. Patrick's Cathedral, one of our brothers had the honor of being one of the gift bearers. On the television feed, you could see that they conversed a little. So everyone wanted to ask this brother what he had said to the Holy Father. Someone started the rumor that he had asked, "Does this count for Sunday?"
Another urban legend claimed that a certain friar was the son of wrestler King Kong Bundy. (There was a resemblance.)
There have been imaginary phone calls from bishop's secretaries, and from provincial superiors in India, sending brothers off on fool's errands of various kinds. Attempts to arrange full ecclesiastical funerals for dogs and cats have also been called in. False summonses to appear before the Apostolic Penitentiary "tomorrow morning, Rome time, first thing" have also been received.
An urgent 'While you were out' note instructed a brother to return the call of Sister Mary Ellafanta, giving the number for the Bronx Zoo. Another invited a brother to call the local funeral home and ask for 'Myra Mains.'
I once received a forged birthday message via fax, bearing the letterhead of the apostolic nunciature.
These sorts of things work well on us because many of the phone calls and requests we receive are, in fact, stranger than fiction but entirely legitimate. I once got a call to arrange a wedding:
"Here's the thing, Father. I'm not a Roman Catholic, I'm a--what do you guys call it--a Melkite, that's right. And my bride, she's one of them Orthodoxes--Russian, Greek, I dunno, one of them things. So how do we get this thing on the road? Tell you what; I'll come in and bring that crazy girl with me, and I'll bring a few beers along too so we can have a good time while we figure this out!"
After making the appointment and instructing my interlocutor that we might wait until our second visit to "bring a few beers," I hung up. I didn't even write down the appointment, presuming it had been one of the friars putting me on with his deft combination of the Ecumenical Directory and the Jerky Boys. Funny thing, but it turned out to be real.
December 26, 2008
Extraordinary Form
Putting Christmas gifts together, today I am able to afford one of the Priestly Fraternity of St. Peter's kits for learning the Extraordinary Form of the Roman Rite. Their kits were well reviewed over on The New Liturgical Movement, so I'm confident that it was a good purchase.
On my reading of Summorum pontificum, the faithful have the right to request the EF from their pastors, who are also supposed to allow it for marriages and funerals for those who wish. Thus it seems to me that a priest ought to know who to do it in case this happens. Though the Holy Spirit has mercifully shielded me from the burden of pastorate thus far, who knows when it will come.
Perhaps it's probably a fantasy, but I always have this thought that this nice, traditionalist girl is going to come into the parish office and request an EF wedding. Check one out over at In Caritate Non Ficta.
On my reading of Summorum pontificum, the faithful have the right to request the EF from their pastors, who are also supposed to allow it for marriages and funerals for those who wish. Thus it seems to me that a priest ought to know who to do it in case this happens. Though the Holy Spirit has mercifully shielded me from the burden of pastorate thus far, who knows when it will come.
Perhaps it's probably a fantasy, but I always have this thought that this nice, traditionalist girl is going to come into the parish office and request an EF wedding. Check one out over at In Caritate Non Ficta.
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