September 17, 2009

Funniest. Intercessions. Ever.

At their best, spontaneous intercessions can express the heart of a community and bring its deepest needs and concerns into public prayer. Sometimes, however, they don't work so well. Of all the wacky spontaneous intercessions I have ever heard, here are my top three favorites:


3. (ca. fall of 2000) "Let us pray for Darryl Strawberry...he seems to be back on the junk...that he might get it together, we pray to the Lord..."

2. "For more...and better vocations to the priesthood and religious life, we pray to the Lord..."

1. "For all of the poor souls unjustly condemned to purgatory, we pray to the Lord..."


And your own candidates in the comments!

20 comments:

Rachel Gray said...

Those are hilarious, Father!

I have none to add... there's no ad-libbing at my parish... for the first time I feel deprived because of that. :)

Julia said...

I heard this one ad-libbed by a visiting priest once:

"For (someone famous who had died), who was a good Catholic, but maybe not..um... good enough... in all areas... all the time."

Paul A. Zalonski said...

For the immediate resurrection of the dead, we pray to the Lord.

The Ironic Catholic said...

I have none to offer, but those were *very* funny. Thanks!

nazareth priest said...

Hilarious!
We have omitted the "general intercessions" during the week at our Ordinary Form Masses...praying the Divine Office seven times each day along with other intercessory prayers seems to do the trick.
Thanks for your acknowledgement on FR Z's blog. I am passing along our blog http://sacradomusnazarena.blogspot.com since I did not find an email address for you. God bless you, Fr.!
Your brother-priest, John Mary, ISJ

Qualis Rex said...

LOL!!!! Number one sounds like it came from someone who works at Amnesty International.

Adoro said...

ROFL! Those are great! Our parish doesn't allow made-up intercessions anymore. Used to have a priest that asked for them.

Although I'm sure when they're written by people of various groups at times they are a bit strange. Just hasn't happened in awhile!

BTW...love the "unjust purgatory" one. Catechized much? ;-)

Julia said...

That is a great one, Paul Z!

GrandmaK said...

I've heard a few that were strange, but I always committed it to the fact that they were spontaneous. Had they had an opportunity to think about what they were saying perhaps these would have been different...or not! Thanks! A laugh to begin my day! Cathy

jed said...

From teens in my old youth group:

"Thank you for this amazing and once in awhile time for all of us friends, we pray to the Lord"

"Lord we ask you to grant Tim a kind sayonara as he leaves for Italy, we pray to the Lord"

Joe of St. Thérèse said...

I've heard one "for an increase to abortion" let us pray to the Lord

Mary333 said...

These tickled my funny bone!

Gabriella said...

Ahahahahah LOL
I've been sitting here laughing at the computer - they're all so funny!

We don't have these at the Extraordinary Mass.

ben in denver said...

This isn't about intercessions, but...

At my old parish last Pentecost, one of the lay readers was supposed to say "the Holy Spirit descended onto the gentiles" but he accidently transposed the the "t" and the "i" in gentiles!

Brother Charles said...

Ben,

My favorite in that category is from Good Friday:

"Then Pilate took Jesus and had him scoured."

The Ironic Catholic said...

I went to an ecumenical service that "announced" the title of the sermon in the paper program--which was clearly phoned in to an overworked secretary--

"Eve's Dropping on Eden"

Jennifer said...

I heard one once that went something like for greater love of Charlie Brown, chocolate, freshly cut grass and the smell of rain.

Random.

As for funny slip ups... one time Deacon Bill Steltemeir was reading the gospel that said "And the humble shall be exalted," and he said "And the humble shall be exhausted."

And once when a sister at OLAM was doing the readings for the Office of Readings she said "perseverence in the flesh" instead of "perseverence in the faith." oops!

Jerry said...

We ususally pray the the sick of our parish,
but one weekend it was written and prayed,
For those who are sick of our parish

Brother Charles said...

Maybe they needed prayer most of all!

Anonymous said...

To some third grade students we were talking about the mysteries of the rosary. They had studied the joyful mysteries, but hadn't gotten into the sorrowful mysteries. So I thought I would see where they were with them. The First mystery came out all right. But the second one no one knew. But one little girl made an attempt at stating the second mystery. "I'm not sure, but I think it is something like 'Jesus is screwed at the pillar.'"